One windy night in a freaky looking house. in the house was a five feet tall slimy looking creature it only had one eye like a cyclops.he also has the sharpest teeth of his kind. He actually lives under ground. Under the house it is bigger then the normal house he only goes out side at 1o’clock. if someone sees him he would bring them to the house for breakfast. he cuts him or her with his deadly teeth. into human squares. The next day he heard someone walking on top of his big hut. He went up and bang.
You have set the scene nicely. I would have liked a little more description of the creature. Make sure your tenses always agree as you move from past to present tense in this piece. Good work!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anonymous, I, also, would of liked to hear more description of the creature but I think that i've seen a little ( this might be wrong ) but mistake! I've noticed that at the end you could use A bit more better ending that he heard someone on the roof, but apart from that it was great Lucas and Joshy!!! :)
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