A vampire flue from a house to a house until he got in a forest. The vampire looks so black that wen it’s night time you can’t see him. He only has one eye and his eye was lice a pese of glass rolled with mud and his leg is two penguin up side down. His arm is like two swords the swords is hard as a rock and sharp as paper. He lives in a pile of mud , In the pile of mud there’s a house in that house there’s a room and in that room boo! the vampire eats you.
Wow, what a scary creature, Ming. Your vampire bat has been described very well. Using words like "his eye was like a piece of glass rolled with mud" is very descriptive and unique. I like how you described all of this bat instead of just saying one or two things.
ReplyDeleteThere were quite a few spelling errors which caused me to have to reread your story a couple of time for it to make sense. On your next piece see if you can have someone help you check it over so that the reader can enjoy the story completely without having to reread it.
Keep up the wonderful writing, Ming.
Mrs.Middleton (Team 100WC)
Hi Ming,
ReplyDeleteI think you have described this creature perfectly! He really does sound rather scary! I love how his arms are 'two swords as hard as rock and sharp as paper.' I can tell you worked hard on this. Well done. I don't think I will be going up to any piles of mud from now on! :)
I like the way you build suspense with " in the mud there's a house, in the house there's a room, and in that room "boo". What a fright I got! Sue
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