“What the...” Gala stopped mid sentence as the sun got stronger and stronger. Her best friend Elsie was in the middle of covering her face in sunblock the second time so far she was up to her nose. “This violent storm is like a sun storm” complained Elsie “Yeah it’s getting on my nerves “ Gala agreed. The two girls were lying on Elsie’s deck in complete silence, until Gala finally said “ I am going to the toilet I’m busting” “while you’re up fill the jug with lemonade again will you?” asked Elsie “all right you lazy bones” mumbled Gala grumpily.
That is really cool Gala and Elsie
ReplyDeleteFrom Margo and Pablo
I really like your opening! Your punctuation is very good indeed. I really like the way you wrote about a sun storm, its a clever idea. Maybe at the end you should have put a cliff-hanger to leave me in suspense? The words you used instead of 'said' are spectacular and it made your story much more interesting to read. Well done.
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