“Come on Rico get in the car,“ good doggy good doggy,” “hurry up Jimmy drive.”They were there in a flash they hopped out of the car and got to work. Gimmy got Rico to climb a tree. Jimmy and Gimmy knew a annoying kid at there school who walked up this track every day and she loved dogs. She always walked the track at six o clock in the morning because she was very shy. It was 5:59 now, so Rico jumped in to the wide river the annoying kid went into the river strait away. She drowned.
Dear Barney,
ReplyDeleteYour story has a lot of energy and moves forward quickly. I enjoyed your use of dialogue, but I'm a bit confused about what's actually happened and the order in which it has happened. Now that you have your draft written, go back through it and see where you can make the story more clear for the reader. Did Rico see the girl drown in the river? Were they going in after her to save her? Did Rico kill the girl? I'm not quite sure.
Keep writing!
Jilanne (Team 100)