Moolie-doo got into his super indestructable UFO. “ Ready set aliens!” the commentator said. All of the aliens took of. EXEPT... for one alien! Moolie-doo. For once, his UFO wasn’t working! As he drove to the repair shop, he was seething with anger. “ Paint my UFO red” he ordered. “ But it is yellow( Moolie-doo’s UFO was yellow) which is a staining colour" the helper said. Moolie-doo cursed the helpers and threw them in the rubbish bin. Then, Moolie tried to paint his UFO himself. It still wouldn’t work! Then all of the cars finished. Moolie-doo didn’t win!
Absolutely love the phrase 'seething with anger'. Great work Luke!
ReplyDeleteIt was sad when Moolie-doo didn't win!
ReplyDeleteWell, I actually was thinking in the first place that Moolie-doo SHOULD win, but then I thought I should be a more creative and I put he didn't win!
DeleteBut, I still am pleased with my writing, so maybe my next 100wc would be even MORE better than all my other ones I've done in the past!
Hello Luke,
ReplyDeleteWe think we have got lots of great description. It was a very interesting story. It was funny when they were thrown into the trash can.
from Class 1, Bradwell, England
Hi Luke, I agree with you - I think it was a good twist to have Moolie NOT win as it makes your story a bit different to what the reader would expect. You also used some great vocabulary and phrases - seething with anger is a wonderfully descriptive phrase! Maybe next time, you could find alternative connectives to 'then' as you have repeated that word a few times. I love your attitude to writing - if you keep thinking so carefully about your work, you will continue to get better and better! Keep it up! from Mrs Vaux, England (Team 100)
ReplyDeleteI love how you make up names for your characters like Moolie-doo in your stories! From Fraser.
ReplyDelete