On a vilontly stormy halloween night an hour after every one had gone to sleep a vampire called dracula stired up a tornado that stole everybody in the worlds soul but did not know he was not centre of the storm. The centre of the storm was a man stiring his coffee and making the tornado stronger soon the tornado started to suck dracula up he tried and tried but it was no use he was sucked up then everyones soul reternd then and peace and happiness came back to the world and beyond and he went somewhere.
I love your opening Sol '...an hour after everybody had gone to sleep...'
ReplyDeleteIt was great to see some more punctuation this week, but I still think you are missing some full stops. Make sure you read it through to hear how it sounds to the reader.
I will never look at my coffee the same again. I wonder where the souls went when dracula stole them? I agree with Miss Savage's comment - I run out of breath trying to read long sentences. Mum
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